Monday, August 17, 2009

Mother-in-Law Part II

In the sunday LA Times there was an Op-Ed by Candice Reed called: Dear California, I'm Dumping You that my mother-in-law put on my wife's desk for her to read. Its a good piece, humourous yet truthful, and showcases some of the problems facing the state. However thats not what was frustrating, what was frustrating was that my mother-in-law went on to tell my wife that were ever she found work that she should pick up and go. My wife's response was to ask what was going to happen to the house, her mom's reply was that she would do what she could and that my wife would also have to do what she could. Nothing was mentioned about having her brothers help out at all. This is what we need to get away from, the assumption that my wife is going to keep paying for things, even if we are not around, or even if we can't afford it. Who can afford to pay for mortgage and bills in one house, then rent and bills in another? And in this economy?

My brother-in-law called today and he annoyed me as well. Its kind of the 'I have to laugh' call because he told me that his sister is wasting her life away and her education. I told him that she enjoys what she does, even if its in a bit of a slump right now. He didn't seem to care he just went on about her education and that she should be using that. Again I said that she enjoys what she is doing now, and that she hated her education and she felt forced into it. Doesn't faze him, he just again repeated she is wasting her education. Usually I have no problems with her brother, but today I do.

I should explain. When my wife went into university her first year was the 'feeling out year', where she took a couple of different courses to find out where she wanted to continue on. Well by her second year her mother would have none of this and told her she had to pick a career that made a lot of money, her brothers also pushed this, and since she was a daughter who always did what her mother wanted she directed herself to law school. She got a law degree and graduated in the top 5%, however she hated it, right from day one. In the end it was working for a law firm that did her in too. Her ulnar nerve was so pinched that it was completely flat, three years after the surgery she still cannot write more than a paragraph, nor type for very long. So good luck finding work with that handicap. Although her family just thinks she can snap her fingers and get a job. They also deny any sort of pressure to push her in any direction.

What did my wife want to do? She wanted to become a siesmologist, studying earthquakes. Any time a show is on about earthquakes, and even volcanos I turn it to that channel for her, and she'll typically know 90% or more of what they talk about. Its a real passion for her. The good thing is that the University of Manitoba has a geology program and I am encouraging her to take it. Even if she does nothing with it, its her passion and she should follow it.

Encouragement is something very lacking in my wife's family, they have pretty much pushed her into what they wanted her to be, and now that she's not, they are upset. Which is why we need to get the hell away from here. I don't care if we end up just barely making bills for the rest of our lives, we need to get away from her family. I do hope we can leave on good terms with them, and that they don't flip out on us, but even if they do we are still leaving.

Have you ever been under a lot of stress? The kind that you can feel the weight just pushing on you? Thats what I've been feeling for 8 years now. Eight years of disapproval, eight years of complaining, eight years of seeing how her family pushes her, eight years of lack of encouragement. Its gone on far too long. I wish, I really wish we had considered this move back when I was whole and able to work a job. I would have started us saving back then.

Hindsight is a perfect science isn't it?

This week I should be starting to put up some stuff on ebay. Most likely starting with my video games, then comics and my wife's jewelry as well. And whatever else we can find that will get us out of here as quick as possible.


  1. Good luck, man. The more you write about this whole situation, the more I begin to understand those who snap and go on a shooting spree. I'm not even entirely certain that I'm kidding about that.

  2. Yeah, the wifey was ranting about that today. LOL Although she was pissed because she was reading about our mortgage company. Something I'm gonna have to mention one day. The company that bought IndyMac is not a nice company, lets just say that. heh