Mother-in-law

Well last night the wife said I could write about her mother if I chose to. So I guess I can go to town! Wooo hooo!

My mother-in-law. What can I say? I'd say she hates me, but that doesn't really cover it. I'll tone it down and say she just doesn't like me. From the day I came here to be with my wife she hasn't liked me. When we got married she wore all black to our wedding, she went behind our backs and had friends of hers sign as witnesses when I had told the priest who we wanted as witnesses. She invited people we didn't even know. My wife hated our wedding because of what her mother did. What a great way to start a marriage eh?

When I came to the US I didn't have a Green Card and it took a few years for that to go through, so I could not work. She was not happy about that either, and honestly I don't blame her for that. I understand the frustration and wanting her duaghter to be well taken care of. But, she complained pretty much every chance she got. It really hurt my wife the things her mother would say. (some pretty vile stuff too) However once I was able to work, and worked my ass off, she just changed what she complained about. We've been married going on 8 years and its been pure hell for me, and for my wife as she is caught in the middle.

One tactic she used to use on my wife was to stop talking to her if she didn't approve of something we did, or didn't do. This was something she had been doing to my wife for years before I came onto the scene. What would happen is she would not say a word to my wife, not even good morning, and my wife would feel so guilty she'd go appologise for whatever she did 'wrong'. Then I come along and see how manipulative that was and told her to stop going and appologising. It took awhile but finally she listened to me. It took her mother 5 days of not saying a word to either of us, and not having my wife going begging for mercy to her, until she figured out that tactic wasn't going to work any more. Score one for the good guys, and another reason her mom does not like me.

I don't do things around the house anymore, something else she doesn't like. But when I did do things around the house all I got were complaints from her about how what I was doing was wrong, or it would not turn out right, etc... An example is a tree stump was in the back yard, so I said I would remove it and I went out and bought a hand axe and a small pick and started in on this stump that had been there for years. From day one she complained. Said the roots were ten feet down, and I'd never get it out. I got it out. We filled in the hole and now a nice patch of grass is there. I did the same thing to a stump in the front, and guess what? She was saying exactly the same things when I did the stump in the back yard. You'd thnk she would have learned by now.

I learned to do things while she was away. So one year while she was away for 3 months visiting family I restained the kitchen cabinets, and put knobs and drawer handles on. I'd never done anything like this and it was a huge project. We also replaced the sink faucet, stove, dishwasher and hood. It turned out really nice. Yes she liked it, although I think she was more happy with the new stove than anything else. It took her over a year before she used the dishwasher, and when friends of hers had seen it for the first time and loved how I did the kitchen and that she was lucky I was her son-in-law, she told my wife that they didn't know me and that if they did they would not be saying that.

Two years ago (while her mother was away agan) I repainted the master bedroom, put up new blinds and added tile to the master bathroom. Her mother didn't like the colour. To her inside a house should be white, and thats it. Our room has an accent wall in a burnt orange, the other walls are a desert tan, almost a pinky colour, and trim is a brown colour. All three colours really work well together, but she didn't like it at all. But then she wanted the living room painted this last year and although she wanted white, she eventually did go with some colour. And actually two walls are the colour of brick (raw sienna I think), one is a maple colour and around the front door and down the hall is a cream colour. The colours are really nice, and I think she is really glad she went with colour rather than just white. However! She didn't go away while I did this. So the entire time I was prepping, taping off, installing new light switches and plugs and painting she did nothing but complain. I wasn't going to do a half assed job, if I do something I am going to do it correctly. She decided that she wanted the family room and kitchen painted right away too, but my back was killing me and I wanted to wait a few weeks so I could do a good job. Not good enough, she decided she would paint and painted AROUND furniture. So behind that stuff the wall is the old colour. She's frikken insane.

From all this you might be wondering how she is around so much, or that we are staying in her house. Well what happened was that 21 years ago her mother sold their house in LA and bought this place. However half the money from the sale of the old house was my wife's (when her parents divorced her father said his half of the house should go to his daughter), but her mother just decided they were going to move and with no dicussion with my wife moved them out of LA. Later on this would severely impact my wife in her job searching. While my wife was in school her mom paid the bills and mortgage, but for the last 14 years my wife, and I, have been paying the bills and mortgage. So its really my wife's and her mom's house, I consistantly say I want no part in it at all. Frankly a can of gasoline and a match would be of more use to me than this house.

One final thing before I stop this, for now, my wife was groomed by her family to care for her mother. That was it. Her brothers went off and did their own thing with no thought to helping their mother. My wife was basically supposed to care for their mother until she died. One reason the family, as a whole, doesn't like me much. I've thrown wrenches into that. And we are going to throw a big one when we move, cause they are going to have to help their mother out, and the mother is actually going to have to pay her own bills. We'll send money after we are settled and have figured out our budgets, but they don't know we are moving yet and will not until a few months before we leave. One of the main reasons for moving is to get my wife away from her family for awhile. All they do is put her down and offer zero support, not even encouragement. My family is exactly the opposite, in fact my grandmother has been saying for years we should just pick up and leave and let them figure it out. I can't do that, both my wife & I want to make sure her mother has enough to get by on. As much as I really want to get out of here, I can't leave her mom in a lurch. Two wrongs don't make a right.

Oh yeah, I invited my mother to come stay for a few days in September, well the mother-in-law didn't like that. Said to my wife that I should not have invited 'those people'. Nice eh?

Yeah we need to leave. Its no wonder my blood pressure has skyrocketed.

For those that have great mother-in-laws... I hate you.